I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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