Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize
