I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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