I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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