I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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