): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
