do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
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How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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