I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
