I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
