mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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