I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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