Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
