Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Vodka?
Forever.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
