You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
