I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
