guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
