I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
