Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
