i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
