I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
