at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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