If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
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I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
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cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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