Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
