It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
