Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
