What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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