It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
