How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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