I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
