saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
