Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
