Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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