He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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