also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
