I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
