dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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