He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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