Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
