Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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