I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
