Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
it was like eating out sand paper
Why is your signature on my underwear?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
