her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
