Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
well you can't waste a boner
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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