I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
