Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
