Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
