If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
