she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
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