batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
