What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
