You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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