I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
