i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
