she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
