tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
