By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
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HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
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What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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