Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
