i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
