what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
