So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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