It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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