so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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