we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Let's get the cat blown out
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
