We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He felt like a one man threesome
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize