I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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