Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
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No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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