I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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