my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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