3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
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Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
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Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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