Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
