just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
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He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
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If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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