I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
