apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
