Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?