i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
