The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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