My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
