You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers