My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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