I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Randomize
