I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
