she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
