I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
as a side note pls kill me
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
