I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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