You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
