He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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