Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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