i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
