You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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