im about as happy as oj after his trial
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
