So drunk, too bad you don't want this
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize
