I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
handjob tips. give me some.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
