Fine. I'll sleep in my office
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It's rum buckets o'clock
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
