My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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