the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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