all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
