Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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