wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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