She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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