I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Randomize
