It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
