She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
