Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
